“But when, God?”
When Two Emotions Sit at the Same Table
CONFIDENT LIFT | 3.16.26
Lately I’ve been sitting with a phrase that has been quietly echoing in my spirit:
“But when, God?”
Have you ever felt that tension before?
The place where you trust God… you’ve obeyed God… you know He’s working… yet a small part of your heart still whispers, “But when?”
When will the breakthrough come?
When will the prayer I’ve prayed for years finally make sense?
If I’m honest, that question has been sitting with me lately.
And strangely enough, sitting right next to it is deep gratitude.
It’s the strangest emotional experience. Two emotions that feel like they should live miles apart… somehow sitting side by side.
Gratitude.
Frustration.
Hope.
Grief.
Trust.
Anger.
Yes… anger.
Because sometimes obedience to God doesn’t remove the human experience. It just anchors us while we walk through it.
Lately I’ve realized something important: conflicting emotions don’t mean our faith is weak. They mean our hearts are honest.
I can be grateful for what God is doing… and still grieve what didn’t happen. I can trust God’s plan… and still feel the ache of unanswered prayers. I can remain obedient… and still whisper, “God, why did it have to happen this way?”
Having this tension actually made me think about Jesus.
Remember when Jesus arrives after his friend Lazarus has died? People are grieving. His sisters are devastated. The room is filled with sorrow.
And scripture gives us one of the shortest verses in the Bible:
Jesus wept.
He wept for his friend and he wept with the people who were hurting.
Yet just moments later… He raises Lazarus from the dead.
For years I thought the miracle was simply the resurrection. But lately I’ve been wondering if there was another miracle happening in that moment.
Jesus held two emotions at the same time.
He knew the miracle was coming… yet He still allowed Himself to feel the grief.
He didn’t bypass the emotion.
He didn’t numb the moment.
He felt it.
That realization has been comforting me more than I expected. Because lately I’ve been living in a season where emotions sit side by side.
Some days I’m incredibly grateful for the doors God is opening. And other days I’m navigating the emotional toll of parallel parenting with a narcissist.
If you’ve ever experienced that dynamic, you know it’s not simple co-parenting.
Even when boundaries are set, your nervous system doesn’t fully relax. Your guard can’t completely come down. Because the attacks aren’t always loud. Sometimes they’re quiet… subtle… insidious.
Communication withheld.
Manipulation disguised as normal behavior.
Power plays that leave you emotionally exhausted.
And spiritually, I recognize something deeper. Sometimes the enemy doesn’t just attack through circumstances. Sometimes he operates through people.
That awareness alone can leave your soul tired. Not broken.
Just… tired.
Yet even in the middle of that, I’m seeing God move in ways that remind me He hasn’t forgotten me. Recently I felt strongly that my soul needed space.
Not a vacation. A Sabbath.
So I did something that felt both bold and necessary. I booked a few days away for rest, prayer, and soul fuel.
No overthinking. No waiting until the timing made perfect sense financially. Just obedience to the quiet whisper: “Kisha, Your soul needs this.”
And here’s the beautiful part. Shortly after booking it, God sent an unexpected contract. One that turned out to be a significant return on that very investment. I smiled when it happened because it felt like God was saying, “I saw you choose rest.”
Moments like that bring me right back to gratitude. Even while walking through difficult spaces, God continues to remind me that He sees me.
And I think many of us are holding these kinds of mixed emotions right now.
Grateful… but tired.
Hopeful… but hurting.
Trusting… but still wondering when.
Psychology actually has language for this. It’s called emotional integration, which is the ability to hold more than one emotion at the same time without forcing yourself to choose just one.
Spiritually, I believe it’s simply honesty before God. And honesty is often where healing begins.
So if today you find yourself holding conflicting emotions, here’s a simple practice you can try.
I call it a Two-Sentence Soul Check.
Take a quiet moment and write two sentences:
“God, I’m grateful for…”
and
“God, I’m struggling with…”
Let both sentences exist. Don’t rush to fix the struggle and don’t minimize the gratitude.
Just let both sit there.
You might be surprised how much peace comes from simply telling God the truth about where your heart is.
As for me, I’ll be stepping away for a few days for Sabbath and soul fuel.
Time to rest.
Time to listen.
Time to let my soul breathe.
And maybe this is your gentle reminder to do the same in your own way… even if it’s just an hour of quiet.
Before I go, I want to extend a heartfelt invitation.
On March 28th, I’m hosting a Sacred Stillness Soul Care Experience.
This will be a small, intentional space for women who feel spiritually hungry, emotionally heavy, or simply longing for quiet time with God.
We’ll spend time in scripture, guided reflection, gentle breathwork, prayer, and sacred stillness — the kind of stillness that allows your soul to finally exhale.
And right now there are only 10 spots remaining.
If your soul has been carrying something heavy lately… or if you simply want space to reconnect with God in a deeper way… I would love to hold space for you there.
And one more thing before I sign off.
Something beautiful is unfolding behind the scenes.
God has been moving in ways I didn’t fully expect… and I can’t wait to share more.
An announcement is coming next week.
So stay close. I’d love for you to journey with me into what’s next. Until then, if you’re sitting in a “But when, God?” moment…
Just know you’re not alone at that table. Sometimes faith isn’t about having one clear emotion. Sometimes faith is trusting God while multiple emotions sit beside you.
And believing that somehow, in His divine way…
He is working through every single one of them.
